I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
