man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
