Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
