i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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