When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
