drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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