He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
