I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i love accidental penises.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
