look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
