I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
