So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
