she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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