I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So here I am, sexting at work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
