I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
