I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
