Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
