I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
