drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
