My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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