last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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