I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
