best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
