Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
