you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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