Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
