so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
