She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
