Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
