i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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