I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've blown a few things in my day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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