he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
