ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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