all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
