Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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