he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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