I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
