they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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