Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
