Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
