He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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