I have demons in me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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