FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
