She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
