Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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