dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
