I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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