to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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