Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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