I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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