oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
